Send one of the following for my muse’s reaction (Cooking Edition)

the-grease-painted-lady:

• “Okay, well, we’re never trying a recipe from Pintrest again.”
• “We were out of paprika so I used cayenne instead.  They’re basically the same, right?”
• “You said burning water was impossible, so explain why the smoke detector’s going off.”
• “I didn’t know you could cook.”
• “The whole kitchen is flooded with dough.  You’re not allowed to use yeast ever again.”
• “Well, that does it.  I’m a vegetarian now.”
• “I told you I could cook.”
• “I kind of sliced my hand open and bled into the potatoes…is this fixable?”
• [text]: Your birthday present is that I’m wearing whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and nothing else.  Hurry home.
• “I’m allergic, dumbass.”
• “Is glitter edible?”
• “Let me get this straight.  You found a unicorn, and your first response was to kill and cook it?”
• “Just because you can add food coloring to something, that doesn’t mean you should.”
• “The good news is, dinner’s ready.  The bad news is, the kitchen’s on fire.”
• “You can never have too much garlic.”
• “In retrospect, I should have baked the cake before icing it.”