Allen nodded, letting out the breath he hadn’t even been aware he was holding. He knew that they needed to talk about what happened… what it meant, where they go from there… but for now he was content to just lay here under Lavi. He felt wanted, he felt so safe here, and he found himself pulling Lavi even closer.
He had told himself that he would be okay if Lavi turned away after this and tried to act like nothing happened. But now… he could certainly hide his feelings if Lavi wanted to brush this off, he could bury them so Lavi would never know how much it hurt. He knew it would hurt… He wondered when his feelings for Lavi had grown to this point, it certainly was not just because of the sex. He had honestly been all too willing to kiss Lavi… Now that he knew, he realized that he had loved Lavi for a while, even before he had thought Lavi died in the Ark.
But Lavi couldn’t possibly feel the same… Allen couldn’t imagine how Lavi would be in love with him.
He didn’t realize he was crying until he felt tears wetting his cheeks. He tried to be discreet about turning his head away to wipe the tears away before Lavi noticed. Stupid, stupid. He cursed at himself as he tried to regain control of himself, he hadn’t even realized that he had let his guard down.
