Note/Apology for today
Sorry for anyone annoyed by my …however to describe what today was. I try to keep negative and personal things off my blog, but I don’t have anywhere that I can really vent about things so sometimes it ends up here. That’s not an excuse for me to make my own personal insecurities everyone else’s problem, just an explanation of why I post stuff like that sometimes…
I had meant to try to use this as a personal blog as well as a fandom/rp one, but I know a lot of you only follow me for the DGM related stuff.
Just a reminder if you want to block any posts that I put personal comments on you can block my ‘#no one cares ruzu’ tag. That should limit what you see to mostly RP or fandom things.
Ill do my best to keep my feelings separate from my blog in the future. This might have to mean that I just delete posts if someone is annoyed by it without actually engaging with the person. So if you send me a comment or an ask, and find I did not answer but rather just deleted the offending post, that would be because I want to avoid any further conflict about it.
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blah blah you probably should stop reading here because its just lame trash I shouldnt have wasted a half an hour even bothering to type its just literal garbage from my head and I probably should edit it a bit to make it relevant at all but its 11:30 now I need to go calm down and try to sleep
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If you are annoyed by something I said or reblogged, you might want to tell me on anon. Because I do have an issue with feeling like my safety is seriously threatened if there is even a minor conflict… on anon, I will just remember to not say/reblog/do that thing anymore. If you tell me off anon, I will remember to not do that thing, but it is also very likely that I am going to think you are angry with/hate me for a very long time no matter what you say otherwise. I know its not logical but because of things, this is disordered thinking that I have not been able to correct yet, and even if I force myself to do actions against that thinking, such as talking to a person, it gives me really bad anxiety or panic attacks.
This doesn’t mean I will actively ignore the person… but more of a thing where I just wont initiate anything with them but I will make an effort to respond if they initiate… so more like just avoidance? Or, I could actually just literally forget who you are. Its happened to me several times now… I could remember the conflict but cant remember the person it was with and so I am a bit anxious talking to anyone who I feel like might have been that person
Kind of unrelated to the issue currently, but if you find something I post annoying/offensive somehow, its very likely that I don’t actually realize it may be found annoying/offensive. I am still learning! There are a lot of things I have learned since I came to tumblr, and a lot of it is stuff I should have learned years ago if my default setting to socialization hadn’t been ‘escape’… I know ignorance is no excuse, but I would rather someone just explain what was wrong instead of attack me for it.
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