Hermione smugly presenting the findings of the international symposium that declared Pluto not a planet as final proof that astrology is made up.
But it turns out that’s what’s been throwing off everyone’s readings so a lot of divination quickly starts becoming more refined and accurate when they take that into account.
Hermione is hailed as a divination savant and that’s what she’s most known in the history books for.
-instantly became ride or die with harry after the troll incedent
-set snape on fire
-brewed an illegal potion for two months in the girls’ bathroom
-turned into a furry
-immediate thought upon encountering a giant murdersnake was ‘better make sure the others find this page on my helpless petrified body bc god knows they won’t figure it out themselves’
-wanted to take finals after like a month in a magical coma
-traveled through time to get evenmore homework
-figured out lupin was a werewolf and didn’t tell anyone because he was a relatively competent teacher compared to magic ryan seacrest and literal voldemort
-essentially snatched trelawney’s weave gotdamn
-slugged draco malfoy, terrified him and his hulking buddies into running, went back in time to watch it again
-confronted a werewolf and his alleged mass murderer friend because, again, ride or die
-broke time travel laws in order to jailbreak azkaban escapee and his pet hippogriff
-dated an international sports star
-put up with all the vile shit rita skeeter wrote about her
-joined secret order dedicated to fighting voldemort
-put up with harry’s shit
-imprisoned a woman in a jar for months, blackmailed her into doing what she wanted
-formed and organized secret defense class, peer pressured harry into leading it
-permanently disfigured the girl who ratted them out. snitches get stitches.
-manipulated the shit out of umbridge
-basically left her to rot in the forbidden forest
-went to fight death eaters with like six of her mates despite her misgivings (RIDE. OR. DIE.)
-immediately agreed to destroy the dark lord’s soul with her buddies despite not having any idea how (RIDE! OR! DIE!)
-mind wiped her parents and made them go to australia to keep them safe
-essentially singlehandedly kept harry and ron alive and functional for the majority of the deathly hallows
-wore the locket while still managing not to be a shithead
-got the shit tortured out of her by bellatrix lestrange. didn’t go insane.
-fought in the battle of hogwarts. didn’t die.
-was unfailingly loyal and did everything she could to keep harry safe for seven years, even when he was quite frankly being a jackass
Headcanon: Professor McGonagall has a muggle wife she never mentions to the students, because they never ask.
Four years after Harry’s left Hogwarts he visits McGonagall’s home to talk her out of retirement, and the door is opened by a woman he doesn’t recognise. Confused, he introduces himself and asks to see McGonagall. The woman recognises the name and invites him in, saying Minerva will be home soon. She then talks a mile a minute, but not about the war – about the stories she’s heard about the golden trio from their head of house. About how Harry stood up to Umbridge, and how clever Hermione was, and how Ron had been able to beat her chess game, and how PROUD Minerva was of them all.
By the time McGonagall does arrive, Harry and her wife are chatting like old friends. Minvera’s wife calls her things like “Darling” and “Pumpkin.” Harry cannot believe his ears.
Harry is invited to tea every Wednesday from then on. He always looks forward to it.
but lets be real here, even with the “darling”s and “pumpkin”s Harry still wouldn’t catch on and he’d go home and tell Ginny all about McGonagall’s lovely gal-pal and Ginny would have to be like “babe…that was her wife”
You’re right, fuck! How could I forget how deeply unobservant Harry is?!
I was on the bus thinking about Harry Potter tonight and I remembered the part where the Dementors all show up at the Quidditch game, and I remembered how they were all looking up at Harry, and I wondered why they would all be staring at him, and then I realized that it’s because he has two souls in him.
On this note, wouldn’t that also be a reason why Harry would have had a more negative reaction than his friends (even Ginny)? He was hearing his mother’s voice as she was protecting him, which in itself was his worst memory. but the Dementors were also forcing the piece of Voldemort to relive its worst memory as well… The memory of being ripped apart by the curse that backfired. No wonder Harry passed out so often.
I literally never thought about that.
HOLY
Oh FUCKING HELL, you just made me realize that it wasn’t Harry’s memory that was his father telling Lily to take Harry and run, and it wasn’t Harry’s memory of Lily screaming.
Here I was, just eating a cup of applesauce under the 14-year-long assumption that the reason a small infant was able to remember something was because this was a fictional world of magic, but no, now this entirely reasonable and somewhat less terrifying bubble has burst and I’m never going to recapture that innocence.
DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HOW DRACO MALFOY IS JUST A HUGE FUCKING MEME YOU CANT TELL ME HOGWARTS STUDENTS DIDNT SAY “my father will hear about this” OR “potter” ON A DAILY BASIS WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENED I JUST WONT ALLOW IT
I’m picturing instead of “thanks Obama” everyone just mutters “POTTER” every time something small goes wrong. Everyone loses their shit when Harry one day spills ink of himself and mutters “POTTER”
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