Okay but how did Allen know about cactus Kanda? Let me tell you! It happened one night Allen couldn’t sleep, and so he went to the kitchen because he has that habit and food is the only thing that calms him a little.
And so he enters but stops in his tracks because Kanda is in front of the sink, and for a moment Allen considers running away but he doesn’t because what the hell is Kanda doing up at midnight besides training?
And then Kanda turns and…hOLY IS HE SMILING? And the smile doesn’t last much, and Kanda’s hair is a mess (if you can call a few hairs sticking out a mess) and he probably already killed Allen 5 times in his head, but Allen’s whole attention is on the small spiky thing resting in Kanda’s hands.
“I swear to god if you te-” “What’s that?” he doesn’t give a shit about the murderous gaze he’s receiving “WHO, it’s a girl, you assh-” but Kanda stops and realizes, and Allen smiles because he too realizes “You came to water it” and Kanda feels like killing him but he just starts walking towards the exit “You talk you die Beansprout” and the last thing Allen hears before Kanda disappears is “AND IT’S A GIRL”
OMG KANDA IS JEALOUS THAT THE BEANSPROUT WILL SEDUCE HIS CACTUS!
ACTUALLY YES! ALLEN BOTHERS HIM EVERY MORNING, HE APPEARS WITH THIS FOXY GRIN AND ASKS “how’s she doing?” AND KANDA JUST WANTS TO PUNCH HIM AND HE ACTUALLY DID IT ONCE, “touch her and you die Beansprout”
OMG KANDA ONCE HAD A NIGHTMARE WHERE HIS CACTUS GREW BEANSPROUTS! HE WOKE UP SCREAMING AND RAN TO KILL ALLEN IN HIS SLEEP
LENA HAS TO GO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO SEPARATE THEM. KANDA CARRIES HIS CACTUS FOR A WHOLE WEEK, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHERE HE GOES, THE CACTUS IS ALSO THERE BECAUSE HE JUST CAN’T FORGET THAT NIGHTMARE.
Lavi makes things even worse when he says that he saw Allen shoot longing looks to his cactus. Kanda’s even more determined to kill Allen.
The funny thing is that Allen actually does that. He knows the cactus is in Lena’s room and he peeks through the door because that’s the most beautiful and cute thing he’s ever seen. Then one day Kanda catches him peeking.
And maybe a little bit Allen is happy that Kanda actually cares for something and he’s not just obsessed with missions. He considers picking up pretty rocks from missions and give it to the small cactus – hoping that Kanda will accept it as an offering of peace and hope doesn’t tell him on Komui for being in 100 metres radius within Lena’s room..
Uh oh, everybody in DGM is a lot of people hahaha.
Well we know what happens to Kanda and Johnny? Kanda mostly gets angrier, Johnny gets more loopy and adorable.
I’m thinking Lavi would be the type to just like. Lay on people and try to start philosophical discussions. Krory will also lay on people, but he’s also 5x more emotional about everything than usual, so tears, tears everywhere.
Allen’s sass levels would increase tenfold, and he gets crazy competitive if there are games to be played. Lenalee hugs and compliments all the ladies in the vicinity on their outfits at least fifty times, and if you have long hair, you will not escape without braids.
Miranda’s coordination would actually get better–I think it’s nerves that make her clumsy moreso than actual lack of grace, so being drunk would actually make her less likely to break stuff. (I’m imagining them playing pong and wine-drunk Miranda sweeps everyone and nobody can even process what happened).
Everyone tries to get Marie hammered because he sings when he gets drunk enough. Link has like, one mixer and falls asleep on the couch; wakes up with his eyebrows shaved off.
(Lavi was only trying to fix them, he swears, but after a point, just shaving them off completely was for the best.)
There’s a drama CD where Komui puts a drug into food and feeds it to Allen, Lavi, and Kanda, and its the equivalent of them getting drunk. Its hilarious.
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