candy-crackpot:

• “Allen was so clueless and innocent”
• “Ka-kami-sama, I love him so much”
• Tyki, a Portuguese person: “Shounen”
• Other non-Japanese characters speaking Wapanese
• R E B O O T S
• DGM retold with Facebook notifications
• M E M O R Y   R E P L A Y
• Spin the bottle and Truth or Dare fics
• T H E    G R A V E Y A R D    S C E N E  
• “Allen jumps in to be Kanda’s human shield and gets wounded severely by an offensivey low level Akuma, now Kanda feels guilty and falls for him” fics
• “Kanda goes overboard and brings up Allen’s trauma, saying he deserved it/Mana never loved him/he sould have died, because Kanda currently feels shit, therefire everyone must feel shit, Allen breaks down crying, Kanda feels guilty and now they’re a couple” fics
• Yullen fic: Lavi and Allen are STRICTLY brothers.
• Laven fic: Kanda? Who the fuck is that? Some asshole who pics on Allen maybe.
• Lenalee 2.0: immune to Akuma poison and other unexplained non-canon abilities, sassy and patient MomTM, deeply ingrained fanons such as she was experimented on and/or attempted suicide
• Any ship: *is having A Moment or in the middle of sexy time* Oh my god, Lenalee is such a good sister, so strong and beautiful, she loves us so much, we’re her whole world and we love her so much like our sister 
• Rotten fujoshi Lenalee who creates yaoi doujinshis
• “Lenalee is an evil bitch who steals Kanda from Allen” fics
• Lavi gives up on being a Bookman for the D/V Just Like That
• Lavi and Kanda fighting over whose cute uwu uke Allen is 
• Leverrier AKA Vatican Hitler (please just. Don’t. He is terrible but don’t make it seem as if what he lies is on the same scale as a someone who orchestrated a foreplanned genocide. Please.)
• An unexplainable amount of Genderbent Allen stories where “Allen didn’t want to reveal she was a girl so people wouldn’t trest her differently”
• Fem!Allen once revealed to be a girl is 3 times more emotinal and somehow the fact that now he possesses a vagina, he loses all fighting skill
• People who loved Allen like a friend/sibling goes head over heals when it turns out “Allen is actually a girl“
• Half of Poker Pair literature is with Fem!Allen
• Like what do people have against Tyki having a dick in his mouth for fuck’s sake
• Rapist Tyki. Tagged as Romance. But not dark/destructive. In fact it’s romanticised. Tyki never once gets called out on rape. No punishment. No relaying how toxic it was and how it ruined Allen. No one comforts Allen. They get together and have babies. Happy ending. What the fuck.
• Noah!Allen fic where Allen just. Sneezes out a new character. Suddenly killing is ok for him. Great concept but needs build up
• Cross is either some overprotective Papa who spoils his baby or a heartless abusive dick who makes Allen feel unsafe, there’s no inbetween
• APOCRYPHOS IS THE WORST EVIL, NOT A GREY CHARACTER, PURE EVIL, WORSE THAN THE EARL, ALL OF CENTRAL AND LEVERRIER COMBINED, KILL IT WITH FIRE BEFORE IT LAYS EGGS
• “Allen ditches the Order and joins the Noah” fic with the cumpolsory introductions at the dinner table 
• “Road kissed Allen because she loves him as a SISTER” or “Road JUST kissed Allen to make Tyki jealous” like um, could you fucking not
• We are the Noah, the annihilator of humanity but hOLY SHIT RED!ALLEN IS SO CUTE LET’S SUSPEND MASSACRES WE GOTTA ADOPT THIS BABY
• “HELLO MY ADORABLE NEPHEW” or “I’m going to slaughter everything and everyone for the kicks of it” Neah
• THE NOAH DO NOTHING BAD fics