A late night interpretation of Jesus’ thoughts about rich people by Sensitive Mark.
While we’re at it, don’t forget that one time that Jesus saw predatory lending practices going down in the temple and he actually got violent.
Yes. Jesus got violent. Over predatory lending practices.
Throwing tables and threatening people with a whip. Jesus was super pissed.
And that part is consistent across all four of the Gospels. Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John vary in a lot of places, but they’re consistent on the money changers story.
Also, the paintings that this inspired are pretty rad.
99% of the time, Jesus was all “love thy neighbor” and “turn the other cheek” and “if someone asks you to walk a mile with them, walk two,” but where usury was concerned, he’d straight up kick your ass.
Jesus: “Be chill. We should all be chill. But also don’t lend money to people and charge them ridiculously high interest rates. Don’t do that. Especially not when people borrow money for the purpose of doing the right thing and making themselves better people. I really fucking hate that. Seriously, just don’t.”
*smashcut to 2016*
Me, living in a society that is intrinsically founded upon Christian doctrine and beliefs: “Student loan debt and credit card interest rates, am I right?”
The so-called “prosperity gospel” that shysters like Joel Osteen and his ilk pimp to their flocks makes me livid, because it basically turns Christianity into the shit that got Martin Luther and the others so torqued off that fucking Protestantism (several flavors, anyway) got invented – that whole “buying indulgences to get in good with Big G” shit – and is a self-justification for being a selfish, greedy piece of shit instead of the altruistic, charitable type of Christian that these people pretend to be.
this is one of a bevy of reasons i take a very dim view of religious zealotry.
I love the Twitter posts. Jesus is all like, “did I stutter? Give away your money.”
I’m not Christian, but I like Jesus an awful lot.
The Jesus of the gospels (books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) does not resemble American Evangelicalism at all.
(I recommend you read the gospels yourself. Start with Mark. It’s the shortest.)
Although, I was once told that the 2nd most common theme of Jesus’ talks (after “the Kingdom Of God”) was money. To which the minister preaching added that it was mostly about how to treat money (as something to master, not to be mastered by) and how to give it away (quietly, without fanfare, to organisations that will do good with it).
I look at the worst excesses of the American Evangelical Church – forgiving and following corrupt and powerful men who have no repentance in them – and I think “this must be what the Catholic Church that Martin Luthor protested against looked like”.
(Did you know that this year is 500 years since Martin Luthor rebelled against the church?)
Also, both the “turn the other cheek” and “walk two miles” things (and the “if he asks for your coat, also give your shirt” bit) were specifically targeted at the Roman conquerors. Roman legionnaires could legally make someone carry their pack one Roman mile, so if you did it for TWO miles, then the Roman was breaking the law.
Jesus had very little in the way of chill.
What I find fascinating about Jesus is that he would literally help and speak to anyone who would listen to him. Roman Centurion in need of help? Sure, your friend is cured. A Samaritan woman with a history of promiscuity? Hey, no problem, you’re welcome to share in my faith. A despised tax collector hiding in a tree to get a glimpse? Dude, come on down, we need to have dinner. A horde of excitable children? Let the little children come to me! A sex worker trying to anoint his feet? Look, the lady is better at hosting that you guys, so stfu. Shy leprous dude too afraid to ask for help? Here, let me heal you.
He spoke to social pariahs. He welcomed the people he was expected to shun and dismiss. He didn’t reject the enemy of his people when that enemy humbly came to him and asked for his help. He helped foreigners and the terminally ill who came to him.
That’s why I find it so troubling when people claim Christianity as their faith but seem to think it’s totally all right to marginalise, oppress, abuse and ostracise whole sections of society. Jesus might not have agreed with the lifestyle choices of the people listed above, but if they wanted to join him, he welcomed them.
I hate religions but I always loved Jesus.
And lets not forget that the richest institution in the entire world is the Roman Catholic church.
Then there’s the abuse scandals and how the allowed priests to go on hurting children, when Jesus specifically said that if you hurt a little one, you’d be better off tying a millstone around their neck and jumping into the sea.
But hey, I’m sure he didn’t mean that hushing up sex abuse and not warning the next parish was wrong, Or that there was anything wrong in ripping children from unwed mothers, then beating and starving them in homes and killing an average of 1 every 2 weeks, then dumping the bodies in a septic tank. Totally fiiiine!
As always, Canon!Jesus is greater than Fanon!Jesus
Given time, he would’ve brought most every oppressive economic and social power structure crashing down in ruins.
That’s why they killed him.
It’s also why so many people are so devoted to twisting his words to mean their polar opposite.
All of this.
This is why I believe that personal faith can be a wonderful, beautiful thing… but once someone tries to make an organized religion out of it, that’s usually where things start to go very wrong.
Human bureaucratic bullshit has no place in my relationship with Jesus, thankyouverymuch.
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