“It sure seemed like you didn’t want to talk to me, considering you dodged me every chance you could,” Lavi snapped back, still resting against the discarded, old mattress. Anger and hurt swirled in his chest like a maelstrom. It had been growing for weeks now, and being trapped in this basement room with Allen only amplified the feelings he had tried to keep bottled up for so long.
When Allen mentioned being scared, he sat up. “Scared? Of what?” he asked, the angry tone still in his voice. “Scared of me? Scared of what happened between us? Scared of others finding out?” Each question sounded like an accusation as Lavi’s voice continued to raise the longer he spoke.
It all was starting to be too much for Allen to handle. Lavi’s voice rising, his own crushing guilt, and the stupid chemicals making him feel weird. He turned his back to Lavi, trying to hold back tears as he tried to think of some way to fix this. Each word Lavi said pierced into his heart, and his own words came tumbling out.
“I didn’t want to hear what you were going to say! ‘It was just a dare gone too far’… ‘it was fun but there shouldn’t be any feelings involved’… I didn’t want to hear it! And I’m so stupid because there is no way you would want to be with someone like me and I knew that and-” his voice cut off with a choked sob, as he realized he said far too much. Lavi wasn’t stupid… he would realize right away what Allen meant.
He felt trapped. He wanted to run, but there was no where to go. The tears he had been holding back fell as he realized that he had just done the equivalent of crushing the broken pieces of their friendship into dust. He couldn’t turn around, he didn’t want to see what kind of expression Lavi would have on his face… pity, disgust, indifference… but he didn’t want to stand there either.
So he did the best he could, walking away until Lavi and the bed were obstructed by the shelves, He leaned his shoulder against a wall as he shook with silent sobs, one hand over his eyes as the other clutched at his chest.
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