AUs for your consideration

pensversusswords:

• “my cat keeps breaking into your apartment and ate all of your plants so i asked you out for dinner to apologize”
  
• “we’re both at the grocery store at 3 am and you offered to arm wrestle me for the last box of cereal”
• “i knew you in high school and i ran into you at a renaissance fair wearing full knight regalia”
• “you’re sleeping on my best friend’s couch while your house is being renovated and you have really weird habits like attempting to sing opera in the shower and you keep eating all of my cheerios”
• “you had a party and i got really drunk and stole your toaster, so i showed up the next day to return it and you were really hungover so i made you breakfast (but i burnt all of it)”
• “you’re a lifeguard at my kid’s swimming competition and i fell in the pool with all my clothes on and you awkwardly tried to save me even though i didn’t need it”
• “you work at a pet store and i came in to look at the tarantulas, but somehow we lost the biggest one and its loose somewhere in the store and it really doesn’t help that you’re terrified of spiders and keep sporadically screeching when you think you saw it”
• “i’m a firefighter and you started a fire in your kitchen but you’re still flirting with me even though you’re not wearing pants and im carrying you down a ladder as you compliment me on my muscles ”